God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
