i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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