you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
