your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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