just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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