Who did Billy Mays play for?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
