right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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