bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
