I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i will never coherently bang her
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
