Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
