it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
