3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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