false alarm. still invincible.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
they're like a gay fantastic four
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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