is your mom at the bar?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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