I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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