her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
