cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
