know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
