i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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