I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
