Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
