If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
