MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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