I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
