I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want nice things and good sex
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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