I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
