I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
