My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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