we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
