dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He kissed a someone with a penis
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
