Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
