i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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