my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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