I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
