i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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