I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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