She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's blow job season.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
