everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
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