Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
