And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
