Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
