Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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