She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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