I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
