are you so shy because you have an std?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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