I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
