How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
