JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
