she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
