A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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