yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
