i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
